Dave barry colonoscopy essay

And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.

Having a Colonoscopy Tomorrow, Need some good Jokes

I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy? At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down.

Dave Barry: A Journey into My Colon – and Yours

Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house. On the subject of Colonoscopies. Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients predominately male while he was performing their colonoscopies:.

I've had a colonoscopy and I can relate to the MoviPrep stuff. I didn't drink vodka with mine Actually I googled this, and it was copyrighted AND it has been altered from it's original form. Not meaning to be a downer here, because it is a riot, but some of this wasn't even written by Dave Berry.

See a Problem?

The full article is published in the Miami Herald, and Berry actually wrote the column to support awareness of colon cancer. The last paragraphs of his article are encouraging people to have it done. Here is a link that might be useful: Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours. It arrived in my email last night.

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I posted it because I thought it would be nice to give some laughter to people in need like myself. It's a a riot and my Doc has it copied out and framed in his office I'm surprised I even spotted it! If you're over 50 and haven't had one My dad had colon cancer I go every 5 years like clockwork! So very funny. As someone who had this procedure done last June, I can relate. One funny thing that happened to me was, the stuff they give you to calm you also made me talkative. Maybe he could take him out for a meal. Something like baked beans and prune whip for dessert.

LOL Dottie. The only reason I brought it up is because I'm a big fan of Dave Berry, and I hate to see his words or anyone else's for that matter selectively edited, lifted or altered without their permission. Didn't mean to be a killjoy. I just feel creative works should be respected.

And I thought people might want to know before they passed it along, especially since the original work was copyrighted, which makes it technically illegal. Thanks for posting this Jodi. I got it in my email last nite and was so tempted to put it here for everyone to enjoy, but because it was so long, I didn't. I heard back from a friend who I had sent it to, and she had it done last year and could relate!

She slept thru the whole thing too, even though she wanted to watch it I worked 19 years for one of the companies responsible for the forming of the Internet, so I've been "online" for a good while. Back in the early 80s we were given permission at work to subscribe to Usenet groups. I own some, or perhaps all, of his books. Everyone knew my love for the crazy guy so I got his books at every gift-giving opportunity. It was hilarious and I was hooked! So, you can see, I too am a big fan and I think he should be shared with everyone that needs a smile on their face.

Thanks Jodi - needed this one. I'm going to read the actual article, but this one was hilarious. Excuse me - I need another box of tissues - still crying from laughing. Exactly how I felt. Thanks Janet. Next week 4hrs of taking of pictures of everything except heart and lungs. Today they found a polyp and something in my throat. Pray for me. I do find I am curious as to what they give now to clean you out as some have mentioned that they did not drink gallons of stuff.

I would have added to the list the embarrassment of single people trying to decide which of their friends they want to ask to be their babysitter after the procedure. I am hoping having a babysitter is no longer required only a driver afterward. I'm single. My aunt drove me to the hospital for the colonoscopy, but afterwards I drove us back to my house. She left ,and I went out and mowed yard.

My prep was 64oz. Last time I asked my two closest friends, married, if they would be my babysitters. I told them that I only wanted them to drive me home unless there were problems. I have always been given instructions not to drive and never wanted any accidents to happen in my car seat after the procedure. They did not listen to me and insisted I go home with them and spend the night.

Although I did not have a problem I was worried that if I did have an accident they would insist on cleaning it up. I can ask the two to take me places like they did for my cataracts but the idea of having to have them clean me up or clean up the mess if it happened I have problems with. FYI they are 60 and 70 something men. I had one 2 weeks ago and did it without sedation so I drove myself to breakfast!

I will never have sedation again. Prep wasn't bad, I did Sureprep or something like that and I had to mix the formula with some water then 16 oz of water after that. I did this the night before and in the morning. My sister has to go in for a colonoscopy as she has pre-cancer cells and polyps they want to make sure nothing has happened.

The last time they did this she had a stroke.

Dave Barry’s colonoscopy

She gets taken off the blood thinners to do this. We're all extremely worried but there is no other way to check for cancer. I've always loved Dave Barry. I do not, however, love Moviprep. That is some nasty stuff.

Colonoscopy Journal (FUNNY) - Medical School Headquarters

I told my friend that it tastes exactly like Lemon Pledge smells. And I'd always want the sedation, that is the best nap ever! The sedation that was used on several of my friends and myself ten years ago was Propofol.

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One of the things that Michael Jackson used too much of. We could easily understand how someone could become addicted to it. One person had difficulty waking up but most stated they were both relaxed and felt like as one put it. It may have been the second bag of fluid I needed but I felt really good.

Yep, that Moviprep stuff is one of the nastiest tasting things I have ever voluntarily consumed, and the effects are terrifyingly explosive.